I love being pregnant. I love the way my hair looks so thick and lustrous, how steady my moods become, and how I finally have an excuse to let my belly hang out. I love how maternity pants fit me. I love how I feel on a deeper wavelength and more at one with the universe. I feel like I am co-creator with the divine when I am growing a baby. I am a goddess. A warrior woman. My boobs look amazing. I never feel so beautiful as when I am carrying a new life in my womb. I love pregnancy.
Until I don’t.
After 9 months of feeling glorious and lovely, I loathe pregnancy. I. am. DONE.
DONE.
There are several midwives in the Houston area that will tell their clients, “I don’t think you are miserable enough to go into labor this week.”
I am beginning to see a trend with myself and my clients as well. Everyone thinks they are done at various points in pregnancy, but there really is a big difference between “done” and “I am so beyond miserable what was I thinking I hate this and I will do ANYTHING to get this baby out of me.”
I think nature does us a favor in that way. The thought of experiencing contractions might be terrifying to someone who is 5 months pregnant. To someone who is 41 weeks and 5 days pregnant?
Bring it. Bring it like 3 weeks ago.
I’d love to share examples about my transformation from Happy, Glowing Pregnant Lady to Get This Baby Out Now Lady in order to illustrate what I mean.
First Pregnancy
39 Weeks 1 Day
“Still no baby. Yesterday I had an exam and I am 40% effaced, almost 2 cm dilated, and the baby is at a -2 station. I’ve probably been this way for awhile and will probably be like this for awhile. Out of everyone around me, I may be the least eager to get her out. I’m feeling a little nervous about going through labor and delivery, especially since I am attempting this without medication. It’s important to me to have a natural birth, and I know I will be disappointed if I end up needing medication. I’m just scared that I won’t be strong enough to deal with labor. I included on my birth plan that if I ask for pain medications, that those around me will encourage me to try other methods of dealing first. I think that’s what I’m afraid of. I won’t necessarily want the medication, it’ll just mean that I need more support or help dealing with it. It’s weird; I’m not really scared that it’s going to HURT, I’m scared that I won’t make it without being overcome by it.
I’m keeping my fingers crossed that I’ll have an uplifting birth story to be able to share soon!”
39 Week 4 Days
“Last night I finally started feeling impatient with being pregnant. I’ve been pretending that I’m ready for my baby to come out for the sake of being nice to the well wishers that think it’s funny to joke about it. With three days until my due date, I think I’ve done a great job being patient and sweet throughout this pregnancy. But in a snap, I got fiercely angry…” Read more about my “done-ness” and doubts that I will ever going into labor here.
39 Weeks 5 Days
“It’s getting more and more difficult to keep a positive attitude about the whole thing. Who am I kidding? My positive attitude is gone now…I’m getting to the point where I don’t trust my body anymore. I still have no prelabor symptoms…unless you count moodiness, crampiness, and fatigue to be prelabor symptoms. I think it’s just symptoms of being two days away from your due date. I think I’m so mopey today that I broke down and ate a Sonic coney and mozzarella sticks. I haven’t done anything right for the past few days….especially when it comes to food.”
40 Weeks 1 Day (6:32am)
“Yesterday was my due date and I did not have my baby. I went to the midwives yesterday and I am dilated 3cm. My little due date ticker says to take heart because first babies are on average 8 days late. Nice. How come just about everyone else I know had their babies early? Am I doing something wrong? I mean, I AM a little nervous about giving birth, but isn’t everyone? That can’t possibly be keeping me from having my baby.”
This was the day that I truly thought I was going to be the first person in the history of ever to stay pregnant forever, and I gave up on the idea that I would ever go into labor. I went into labor that night. My baby was born at 2:41am the very next day.
Second Pregnancy
This process went much faster during my second pregnancy. I was not ready to go into labor until the night of my due date. That day I told my midwife that I was going to go to the grocery store the next day to buy ingredients for an “induction tea.” I went to bed that night thinking about my grocery list. Early the next morning, I woke up in labor.
Third Pregnancy
My 3rd baby threw me for a loop by coming a week earlier than I expected. That just goes to show you that, with everything pregnancy and birth, there are no hard and fast rules. There are trends and rhythms and ebbs and flows, but no rules. Babies don’t know anything about rules.
I truly believe that nature makes us so miserable at the end of pregnancy that we are willing to go through anything to have that baby in our arms- even the pain of contractions. We might even yearn for the pain of contractions. When we start to experience those first tightenings, we rejoice. Finally! Finally the day has come to birth my baby.
I am ready.
For those who are in that place of in-between where are you are tired of being pregnant but not yet experiencing any labor symptoms, read this. This is my favorite article about that place of waiting.
Keen Doula Care 