One of the most popular questions I see on message boards is, “How do you know if a doula is “the ONE?”
I’ve seen so many responses to that question, but a common answer is to make sure that your doula is someone that you could poop in front of. After all, you might poop during labor! So the reasoning goes, you need to surround yourself with people you would feel comfortable if they saw you poop during labor. To be honest, I wouldn’t want to poop in front of anyone I’ve had on my birth team.
I’ve also heard that you should choose people you’d feel comfortable seeing you naked. I’m not sure about that either. I don’t think I want my midwife or doula or one of my closest friends to see me naked on any given day. That’s because on most days, I am using my normal, rational brain.
However, they’ve all seen me naked during labor, and I didn’t even notice or mind. Because while in labor, I am using my primitive brain.
When you are able to access your primitive brain during labor, “naked” is no longer a concept. “Poop” is no longer a concept. Neither is hunger. Nor motherhood. Nor to-do lists. And at some point you might forget you are even having a BABY. There is only labor. But there is no concept of the word “labor.” It just is.
So when picking a birth team, it reminds me of those memes that talk about measuring seasonings in a recipe. Sprinkle and shake until your ancestors whisper, “Dat’s enough, sha.”
Same with picking a doula. Even if you can’t imagine pooping in front of any of the doulas that you meet, there will be a voice that whispers, “This is the one, sha.” You’ll just know you’ve met the right doula for you, whether or not you feel like you can poop in front of her.